As Occupy the World spreads across, well, the world, we take a look at some of our favourite from the 99% (previous post) and even some of our heroes (and enemies) from the 1%, who are now winning the war against the occupiers, with many sites being shutdown. It’s about damn time!
1% (aka The Billionaire’s Club)
Scrooge McDuck – DuckTales
How many of us have dreamed about taking a dip into our vast fortune, using coins and bills as if they were water in a pool? I know that I’ve dreamt of this scenario. Of course, with great fortune, comes great responsibility. McDuck always has to deal with people trying to steal his billions, from the Beagle Boys and Ma Beagle to Magica De Spell and even his arch nemesis Flintheart Glomgold. Scrooge even topped Forbes list of richest ficitional characters: http://www.forbes.com/2007/12/11/richest-fictional-characters-oped-books-fict1507-cx_mn_de_1211fictional15_land.html. And to think, McDuck’s entire fortune began with one lucky dime.
Mr. Burns – The Simpsons
Monty Burns is the wealthiest figure in Springfield, thanks to his ruthless business tactics and horrid safety and environmental records. He may not be as loved as fellow billionaire Arthur Fortune (oh, Arthur Fortune…), but his guile and moxie have led to him living a successful life to the ripe old age of 104 (although some jokes suggest he could be even older). Ironically, Burns and his assistant Waylon Smithers are both voiced by Harry Shearer, who can perform scenes of dialogue between the two in one take.
Carter Pewterschmidt – Family Guy
The patriarch of the Pewterschmidt family, Carter made his money as a shipping mogul and has since turned his wealth into being an industrialist with numerous companies in his name. His friends include other powerful leaders of industry, such as Bill Gates and Michael Eisner and he is a member of The Skull and Bones secret society. Carter is not a nice man, though. He hates his son-in-law Peter Griffin and takes every opportunity possible to attack Peter, despite his daughter Lois’ love for him.
The Bluth Family – Arrested Development
The Bluth’s were so corrupt with their money and lifestyle that it led to a Securities and Exchange Commision investigation into the family company. Most of the family live excessive lifestyles, spending investor’s money freely, calling it their personal expenses. Only Michael Bluth tries to keep the family business legit and operational, while his siblings and parents only care as long as their pockets are lined with cash. In the best news heard in years, it was recently announced that there would be a fourth season of nine or ten episodes (with the original cast) each focusing on an update of each character, leading into a theatrical release.
Richie Rich – Richie Rich
Richie Rich (Macaulay Culkin) had his own McDonald’s inside his massive mansion. That’s not only the coolest thing I’ve ever dreamed of, but it takes a lot of money to achieve it. I wonder if it was staffed by the same teenage delinquents I see working in the restaurants I frequent. Richie may be a little spoiled, but he still has a heart, despite growing up in a world where work and success are valued before fun and friendship. As with most billionaires, there’s always someone out to get your money, but Richie leads his group of poor, inner-city friends into battle to save his family’s wealth… and we all learn the value of having friends with riches.
Longfellow Deeds – Mr. Deeds
After receiving a very large fortune, as the apparent heir to a powerful media mogul, Deeds finds himself in a very different world than the one he’s used to – as a pizzeria operator in a small New Hampshire town. Deeds goes to the big city (New York), where he is set to sell his shares in his uncle’s company, allowing him some time to enjoy his new found wealth. When it’s realized he isn’t actually the closest heir, he still walks away with one billion dollars and buys Corvettes for everyone in his town. He also achieves his dream of selling one of his greeting card messages to Hallmark and everybody is happy.
Charlie Harper & Walden Schmidt – Two and a Half Men
Based on the sale of one commercial jingle, Charlie Harper (Charlie Sheen) became a winner. He was able to buy a luxurious beachfront property, big enough to house himself, numerous escorts and even his brother and nephew. Kind of sounds like Sheen’s real life, minus the brother and nephew. After Sheen’s firing from the show, he was replaced by Ashton Kutcher, playing rich, but childlike internet entrepreneur Walden Schmidt. Since the change, the show’s ratings are not only up, they’re the highest they’ve ever been and the show is enjoying its highest rank in its history.
Mom – Futurama
Mom, head of MomCorp, is like many of the other moguls to make this list – power hungry, intimidating and cruel – but she is the only female to make it. While she portrays an image of being a sweet, loveable, grandmotherly character in the media, in reality, she’s the complete opposite of that. She is harsh to everyone around her, including her three idiot sons: Walt, Larry and Igner, as well as former lover Professor Farnsworth. There’s really no stopping mom or her corporation… might as well learn to live with it.
Jed Clampett – The Beverly Hillbillies
Jed Clampett went from living a simple, country life to striking it rich on a massive oil claim. After that, his kinfolk said, “Jed, move away from there.” So, he gathered all his belongings, including his daughter Ellie May, son of his cousin Jethro and of course, ol’ granny and he moved to Beverly… Hills that is. The show lasted nine season (1962-1971) and 274 episodes and later spawned a TV movie in 1981 and theatrical release in 1993. In the 1993 movie, Jed was played by Jim Varney, better known as Ernest P. Worrell from numerous TV commercials, a TV series and movies.
Thurston Howell III – Gilligan’s Island
How much would it suck if you had a vast fortune and numerous toys, but were stuck on a deserted island… without your fortune and toys, of course? Add to that, the fact that your fellow island inhabitants are a bumbling loser, a skipper who took you out into an epic storm, a worthless professor, your geriatric wife and two hot chicks who you can’t even make a move on because your wealth means nothing here. At least you could sit around and enjoy mai tai’s and other tropical beverages… what, they didn’t even have bevies? You’d think the first order of business for the prof would be to fashion up some kind of liquor.
Montana Max – Tiny Toon Adventures
In the Tiny Toon Adventures theme song, all we learn about Montana Max is that he has money. And really, isn’t that all that matters in this world? Nah, Max is your typical spoiled brat, who gets everything he wants and is quick to lose his temper. As a result of this, he has to receive some sort of comeuppance from the Tiny Toon gang, usually Babs and Buster Bunny, no relation. As the story goes, Max used to be a normal kid and friends with Buster, until his parents won the lottery and he became a young millionaire tycoon. Wouldn’t that be nice!
Mr. Toad – Wind in the Willows
Mr. Toad has a penchant for throwing his money around on expensive toys and then using them excessively and dangerously. His favourite risky behaviour is racing automobiles and usually crashing them in the end. What do you expect, though? He’s a toad for Christ sakes! In absolutely no way does he belong behind the wheel of any vehicle. Despite his faults, though, we allow our good friend J. Thaddeus Toad, Esq. into our hearts because he’s relatively kind to his friends Moley, Ratty and Badger-y (?) and he has a thirst for fighting weasels.
The Banks Family – The Fresh Prince of Belair
When ‘Little Willy from Philly’ (Will Smith) was sent to his aunt and uncle’s home in Belair, California, he never realized he’d be stepping into a world of luxury. He went from a have-not to a must-have. It takes a while for Will to get used to his new lifestyle as a privileged teen and later adult, but he eventually adjusts, while also keeping some of his street flair alive. Ironically, Smith was approached to do Fresh Prince when he was close to bankruptcy thanks to underpaying on his income taxes during his successful late 80’s rap career. Now Smith practically owns a portion of Hollywood.
Arthur Bach – Arthur
Arthur starts off as a spoiled, alcoholic, playboy but one who still has a soul, buried beneath years of being ignored by his mother and being raised by his butler/nanny (depending on which version of the movie – Russell Brand or Dudley Moore – you watch). Through being offered up in an arranged marriage and finding his real true love almost simultaneously, Arthur is finally given the inspiration to correct his childish ways and grow up and take charge of his own life. In the end, money buys everything, including happiness.
Artie Ziff – The Simpsons
Flintheart Glomgold – DuckTales
Gomez Addams – Addams Family
Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase – World Wrestling Entertainment
Bruce Wayne – Batman
Tony Stark – Iron Man
Willy Wonka – Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Cosmo Spacely – The Jetsons
Buck Strickland – King of the Hill
Louis Winthrope III – Trading Places