Raw is Muppets!

It’s time to play the music. It’s time to light the lights. It’s time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight. Finally, two of my favourite childhood entities are coming together for one night of fun. The whole Muppet Show gang will be on hand Halloween night for World Wrestling Entertainment’s Monday Night Raw. As special guest hosts, The Muppets will be promoting their upcoming movie, while also bringing the same mayhem that follows them everywhere to the WWE Universe, a place already guaranteeing chaos on a weekly basis. What should happen on the show? Well, here’s a couple ideas that I hope the writers take into consideration before penning the final draft of Monday’s Raw:
Kermit becomes GM for the day
As we all know, Kermit is the consensus leader of the Muppets gang and what better way to show his leadership skills than to run Raw for the evening. He can make the matches, settle issues between wrestlers and bring a whole new level of respect to the general manager position. Come to think of it, this wouldn’t be a bad premise for its own primetime series: Muppet Wrestling Federation. Of course in that version, Kermit would be the unlikely underdog World Champion, with Miss Piggy as his smoking hot valet!

Kermit performs some backstage GM duties

Fozzy Bear trades jokes with Santino Marella
While Fozzy Bear is gag master of the Muppets, Santino Marella is comic relief to wrestling on a weekly basis – when he actually appears on camera, that is. So, it would make sense to pair these two jokesters up and let them exchange barbs. Of course, the segment would end with both getting ripped by Waldorf and Statler (more on them later), as Fozzy was always tormented by the two old men. Together, maybe Fozzy and Marella could finally stand up to the old coots.

Fozzy searches for laughs

Miss Piggy puts together a team to feud with Vickie Guerrero and her associates/challenges for the Diva’s Championship
Over the past few years, Vickie Guerrero has become a human version of Miss Piggy: vain, self-involved, mean, etc. So, perhaps it’s finally time for the two to meet face-to-face and battle it out to be on top. Miss Piggy could put together a team of Mason Ryan and Zack Ryder or Tag Champs Air Boom to challenge Vickie’s charges Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger. Another option would be to have Piggy challenge for the Divas Championship, facing Beth Phoenix, who’s out on a mission to rid the WWE of Barbie doll Divas. If that doesn’t perfectly define Miss Piggy, than I don’t know what does.

Piggy and Vickie - the image on the right is grainy, but you get the gist of it

Sam the Eagle teaches Jack Swagger about real American pride
Jack Swagger has dubbed himself the All-American American, but his actions and behaviour have offended everyone from proud countryman and WWE legend Sgt. Slaughter to Hall of Famer ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin. It’s about time someone gives Swagger a few lessons about how to conduct himself, and who better to do that than American patriot Sam the Eagle. If he can’t get through to Swagger – a very likely conclusion – then Sam could always resort to giving him an epic verbal lashing, the likes of which will never be seen again.

Sam the Eagle - defender of the US of A

Waldorf and Statler join the commentary team
Their balcony commentary – or more aptly titled critiquing – is harsh, ruthless and hilarious. So, what if the duo of Waldorf and Statler took their act to the commentary booth and started taking shots at WWE Superstars? I think this would be the funniest segment of the evening, especially if one of the wrestlers took exception to being stripped down by a couple of old timers and tried to take actions into their own hands. Would anyone bail out the geriatric insult hurlers?

Waldorf and Statler join Michael Cole for some commentary booth hijinks

Gonzo performs some sort of stunt and gets his beak broken
Gonzo the Great is Gonzo’s stuntman alias and I’m thinking his stunt could be as simple as challenging a WWE Superstar to a fight, perhaps in a jealous rage, as he feels his love, Camilla the Chicken, is being hit on by one of the wrestling brutes. As with many of Gonzo’s actions, this fight ends with his beak getting all bent out of shape. A possible opponents for Gonzo could be Hornswoggle the Leprechaun and the scene could end with onlookers questioning what both Gonzo and Hornswoggle actually are, a long running gag with the Muppets, as nobody really knows what Gonzo is.

Gonzo the Great, ready for action

The Electric Mayhem perform entrance music for various Superstars
One of the most beloved aspects of wrestling is the theme music. Well, match that with one of the most adored bands of all time, The Electric Mayhem – Dr. Teeth, Janice, Sgt. Floyd Pepper, Zoot and Animal – and you have a perfect opportunity for some memorable moments. The group has covered Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ before, so covering some WWE entrances shouldn’t be too difficult. At the very least, The Electric Mayhem should get to play a song as the opening to the broadcast.
Animal shows the WWE Universe how things are really done
Animal is the Muppet who most closely resembles a wrestling persona, so if he’s not too busy with his theme song performing duties, he should take a crack at a Superstar or two. Can you imagine Animal bashing one of the WWE’s dastardly bad guys over the head with his drum sticks or even a drum cymbal for that matter? Animal is my personal favourite Muppet and if he doesn’t get a fair share of screen time on this episode of Raw, I will truly be crushed. It will make or break the show for me.

Animal equipped with his favourite weapons

Sheamus saves Professor Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker from an attack
You know anytime these two guys are around, that Beaker is going to end up getting hurt. Beaker was once compared to WWE Superstar Sheamus, both having very pale skin and red spiky hair. If Sheamus were still a bad guy, I’m sure he would destroy Beaker, but now the Great White (perhaps the most racist nickname in WWE history, despite the company trying to follow a strict PG rating and gearing their product to kids) is a fan favourite. I’m sure Sheamus will come to the aid of Beaker, who will likely be getting pushed around by Sheamus’ recent rival Christian.

Separated at birth?

Crazy Harry blows something up… anything
Finally, the show should end with a bang… literally. That’s how the Muppet 3-D show at the Disney parks end, so why not have Raw go off the air with a massive display of pyro, perhaps even have the ring and stage set-up implode. They could tease it all night, showing Harry trying to blow stuff up to make an impact, but always being thwarted. Then finally, at the end of the night, he’s successful and boom goes the dynamite!

Your friendly neighbourhood explosives expert


2 responses to “Raw is Muppets!

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