@pattonoswalt Patton Oswalt
I shouldn’t hear the chorus to Evanescence’s “Bring Me To Life” when I speed-eat a tube of Pringles, but I do. I do.
@ConanOBrien Conan O’Brien
My kids asked me what the Wall Street protestors were angry about, & I told them it was the crappy Father’s Day gift they gave me last year.
@TheOnion The Onion
Nation Waiting For Protesters To Clearly Articulate Demands Before Ignoring Them
“There won’t be humans in 500 years. Enough people choke themselves when they jerk off we gave it a name. We ain’t a species made to last.”
@rainnwilson Rainn Wilson
Somebody better be making: Real Steel, The Musical!